Life is such an amazing journey. Most people don't realize the 'journey' part of it, and although we have been told to stop and smell the flowers time and time again, we still don't listen. I'll admit I'm guilty of this. I've been fortunate enough to be a 'professional' bass player for eleven years, and I've been able to do a lot in those years. I've had days of doubt, struggling with watching my friends raise families, take long vacations, driving great new cars, etc. My doubt has been the struggle of giving up being a full-time musician and getting a 9-5, the dreaded 'real job' our parents wish for us. Before you read on, I must tell you I've realized that I can't turn around, can't stop playing, and have so much more I need to do with my music. Anti-climactic reading? Not when you see where I went to come to that conclusion. A few years back, I was part of something great. My band toured constantly, playing around 180-200 shows a year for 6 years. We packed houses everywhere, sold a bunch of CD's, and (almost) secured several record deals. We made great friends, ate some good catering, and played with a 'Who's Who' of musicians across the country. We were driving hours and hours every week, broke, and dreamed of a tour bus and our sore backs dreamed of hiring roadies one day. Little successes every week fueled our desire- one more big show added, another radio station picking up the single, a T-shirt company giving us a cheap price on our merchandise. Looking back, it was a novel- the best of times, the worst of times. Like almost every band, no matter how good or bad, we broke up, leaving me hollow inside. I was bitter, broke, alone, and for the first time in years, adrift on a sea with no direction. It hurt. I was in denial as well. I was sure we'd be back together soon, so I put off any real work, just kind of bartending my way through the possibilities. Well, it never panned out, and the band that I so loved was no more. This shakeup left me a bit jaded. I joined another band as a hired gun, and it made me sick to my stomach to go to the gig. I wanted to disappear during any performance with this band. My only comfort was coming home to my beautiful girlfriend, who helped me through this tough time. I hated what I had become, and it started to affect my home life, so I sought out a new band. Not as a hired gun, mind you, but I wanted to be in something that was mine again. I got my wish. I joined a signed act. One week I was playing a beer-soaked stage in Orange Beach, AL, then two weeks later I was in LA eating sushi and meeting movie stars. All of a sudden, I was living a dream that didn't happen with my first band, I was there. We rehearsed, recorded demos, and did a month-long tour. Life was golden, and we were set to record our new record in Canada. I flew home for a week, since we were going to be gone for 5 weeks to record. The next call I was to receive from the band was supposed to be travel plans to record the new record. The call I got was my release from the band. I was stunned. Almost as suddenly as my dream started, it ended. 'OK', I said to myself, 'I've been here before. I'll try and find something else. Well, 2 days after the first bomb, I'm asked to move out of my house by my girlfriend of two years who, for non-musical reasons, was done with me as well. I had unknowingly reached a dubious point in my career- living a country song. I lost my job, my house, and my girlfriend all in the same week. I had a new gig in a week, which was great, and made arrangements for housing. The other side of my life became a little cloudy. I started confusing my goals in life and making up excuses for everything. I thought maybe if I got a real job, I could win my girlfriend back, move back home, and settle in like all of my friends. During this time, I talked to a lot of people who eventually helped talk me down from the corporate tree. No job can resolve personal issues, especially when dealing with dreams and aspirations, unless that job is a dream, like mine. Like I said before, I've since made the decision to keep rolling on the coaster of the music industry. I know the road is long, but we were never meant to reach the end. We were meant to keep doing and seeing and experiencing life. A few items I have learned on this latest leg of my journey: 1)Nobody loves you like you. Do what you need to do for yourself. The rest falls in to place. 2) The roller coaster ride, no matter how high or low that you go, is the fun. When you make the decision to get off, you need to be sure that it's time. See you on the road. |