It is I! Sir Funks-a-Lot. Defender of the One (and also the I), Protector of Pushing Tempos, Lord High Executioner of the Stank, Master of the --sorry, got carried away this morning. I found this really hip new espresso blend and I think it's kicking in.

Anyhoo, Once upon a midsummer night's four-bar, I found myself looking back on many of my life experiences and thought I would touch on the elements of the "Big Show". No I'm not saying we all quit our day gigs and go join the circus. Wait, that sounds really good actually, and my Steinbergers would look great with a clown suit and a Bobo nose. In reality my groove babies, The Big Show concept for this installment of Music Business Survival refers to our role as bassists on not only the overall performance of a show but the entertainment factor of any gig.

We all know the story fairly well. You dream of getting a super gig that stands for everything you have spent your time working for. You get that phone call for that really hip gig. You spend hours rehearsing and going over every note in your head. The big day comes for the show and you are READY!! You've got every song down and you're on auto pilot to do your thing. You're backstage and waiting to go do the gig that you know you can play. Then it happens. The house lights go down and the ever elusive " Ladies and Gentleman………………"

The stage lights blast, the groove kicks in, and then it hits you. Not the fear that you're going to miss the big bass fill in measure 62. You know it backwards and forwards. You're not worried about the fact that you're having to keep a groove with backing tracks, out of time musicians, the artist, and a click track. You're not worried about whether or not you zipped your fly. (Chances are you didn't. OOPS!) Nope, real fear begins to consume your body in a cold shiver. Realization of the situation overwhelms you when you hear your inner voice say "Oh crap, I don't have to just play the parts. I have to be part of this show. " "What do I do with my body?" "Am I supposed to stand here or do I jump around like a kangaroo with rabies?" Yes fellow low-enders, we are expected to perform and dare I say it, entertain as well. Son of a…

One of the most overlooked aspects of being a sideman has nothing to do with playing music. This time the question is: What are we lowly stage dwellers expected to do on each gig to make it The Big Show? Every gig has different expectations of what is The Big Show. Unfortunately, we're not all artists in our own right. Otherwise, we would master whatever is "our" stage presence and then take that to every gig. This, my kiddies, is one I've struggled with for years since, in my case, I'm not necessarily known for my ability to say "hold still" on stage. For some players it is exactly the opposite - they resemble the Statue of Liberty onstage. (I would have said Venus de Milo but something about a topless, armless horn player next to you seems rather disturbing. Especially, since yours truly typically moves onstage like a Satanic bobble head doll all jacked up on way too much sugar and caffeine.) No my little groove things, finding the balance of your stage presence on every gig is just as important as perfecting your musical performance.

So I know most of you are not going "But Baldy Locks, does this mean I have to do my imitation Michael Jackson on every tune ?" No, it doesn't. Plus, I'm really trying to refrain from the barrage of jokes going through my head right now. The trick is to do the same exact thing you do for your musical performance to get the gig. Be a chameleon and evolve to the gig. You spent all those hours learning every nuance of the gig musically did you happen to grab a DVD or go to a show to see what were the requirements of the actual performance? What is the feel of the visual part of the show ? Is it big, high energy movements circa Flea ( minus Sockman hopefully )? Are you going to be in all black in the back ground to emphasize the artist ? Perhaps it is a fairly low key gig like, for instance, a never bustling rock nestled on a pasture in the middle of a ……….I got nuthin.

The important thing to remember is to evolve your stage persona to each gig. I have made the mistake of taking my "big Rock" moves on gigs that didn't need my best Warrant imitation. Needless to say, you don't want to get coined with the upstaging curse. Trust me on the fact that nothing hurts worse than getting fired from a gig when you know every note and you are nailing the tunes.

Knowing all the tunes … $ 100
Bringing a fat groove to the show that rivals darn near anything … $ 200
Cool endorsement deals where you get to ramble on about the state of the Music Business … $ Multiple Perks ( Thanks, Lane )
Getting fired because you were "rocking out" too much ……… Not Priceless !!!

So there it is this time, dearest low enders. There's nothing wrong with bringing your personal flair to any show. The key to success about this is in knowing how much booty stank to put on it and when. The Big Show can be just that but you may not need your "moves" for the coffee house gigs. Just a thought. I could be wrong. It could just be the caffeine.

Until next time, my babies,

Keep Groovin',

S

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